*Die Hard after all this time*

I am back after an extended distractions from work and lack of Internet at the hotel. I would have posted from work but there is some sort of virus recording our keystrokes so I didn't want to risk someone stealing my fabulous web blog. I have lots to tell you so expect many updates.

The most important (and ironic) thing of interest is Die Hard 4. This movie opened in the UAE last night and, as far as I know, it was not edited too much. It was, however, very surreal. First, there was assigned seating; when you buy the ticket, you pick out where you are going to sit. Once you get in the theater, there are ushers. This is great because you can arrive 5 minutes before the movie starts and be guaranteed your seats. However, unexpected.

OK- back to the actual movie. It is an excellent sequel while still remaining a "Die Hard" movie. Bruce Willis saves the United States from terrorists against all odds on Independence Day, all the while making cute comments and sarcastic jokes. Watching this plot unfold while sitting in a theater in the Middle East was weird. In my mind, I can tell myself that not at Arabs hate Americans and want to kill us. At the same time, do we need to make movies that highlight our security weaknesses?!! By the end of the movie, I was better because people were cheering for John McLean as he battled the bad guys. (PS the special effects and stunts in the film were totally out of control!!)

Lastly, they offer 3 kinds of popcorn at the theater: butter, honey, and caramel. I am addicted to honey popcorn. Seriously addicted.

Snow!

Dubai has this obsession with shopping, which obviously results in shopping malls everywhere. However, these malls are out of control. My favorite is the Mall of the Emirates.
The main reason I love it is because of Ski Dubai, the indoor ski slope.

At the end of the slope is a wall (which is hilarious in general) but on the other side, is a bar. One can sit at the bar and watch people fall down the slope into the wall. I love this. I also love that everyone there wears a helmet. Even the kids in the inner tubes! Coming from a state virtually covered in snow 9 months out of the year, this behavior is hysterical.
I also LOVE the fake snow-covered trees... like you will start to forget you are indoors.

Since I don't ski, you will have to enjoy the slopes through a stranger!

Local dancing

I have heard rumors about a local UAE dance that is performed (usually in competition) with a rifle of some sort. Since You Tube is now my ultimate research tool, I tried to find this. I thought that it was bad PR for the Middle East to be dancing around with weapons but it turns out that I can only find kids doing this dance. It is very close to US drill teams with their rifles. So mix that with a gymnastic floor routine and you have their local traditional dance.

The adults, however, seem to be fond of this sword dance. I am not even going to talk about the safety issues associated with this. I will note that swords seem to be pretty common here; their blade of choice, like machetes in Rwanda. A lot of street fights start over girls (universal) but people will bring their swords. Who even has a sword that is fight ready in case you have to throw down outside a bar? It is not like it is easy to conceal. Maybe you just wear it out, like the Calvary! (Let's hope that comment does not come out if I ever see someone carrying a sword!!)

**TV Commercials**

The largest adjustment for Americans (beyond the Diet Coke scandal) is the television. The sports are completely weird (see below). The shows are a mixture of Arabian, American, and British programming. There does not seem to be a consistent schedule and there are no commercials (generally) during the programs. However, there are some commercial breaks that are either 20 minutes of commercials or upcoming movie release specials. (I cannot watch the "Making of Shrek the Third" anymore!!)

The commercials usually run in English and Arabic. However, some of them only run in Arabic, leading to my new favorite game: Guess the product. Now, in the US, one would try to guess the product before they show it. Here, it is just to guess the product in general. Trust me.

Here were the toughest so far:
1) All the green and red (walk and don't walk) men jump out of the street lights and perform an epic battle, greens ultimately defeating the reds. Watch

Turns out that this is for Snickers, Don't Stop. Cute but really violent and confusing in Arabic. Even with the Snickers logo at the end, as it makes no sense without the tag line.

2) This Arab woman is eating some sort of spread on bread. It is in a mayonnaise jar and I don't judge because everyone here loves mayo like they are British. Then, she puts it in the fridge and sees some nacho chips on the counter and eats the "mayo" with the chips. Then she repeats the same thing with a plate of vegetables! Then, she puts it away, walks away, and goes back and just eats it straight out of the jar with a spoon! Now I am confused. Mayo is OK but this is a little crazy. She finally stops eating it when the phone rings and she meets her friends for dinner. (She can't eat there because she is so full from "mayo" all day) I couldn't get this one on my own. I went in search of this product at the grocery store. After some hunting, I found that it is cheese spread. I was going to have to leave if people were that excited about mayonnaise. (I couldn't find this one! I will keep looking!)

3) This one takes the cake. I had the product name from the commercials Rani Citrus. 3 guys are drinking said product when all of a sudden, THOUSANDS of men in hot dog costumes chase them all over the Mall of the Emirates. Finally, they are surrounded by all these hot dogs and they jump off the balcony! WHAT!

Watch video here Under "What's on TV" (the upper left-hand thumbnail)

I had to ask someone who spoke Arabic. I explained this at work and at the end I told them they show Rani Citrus drink. They are all like, "Well, that is what the commercial is for." (Yeah, I got that part) And the hot dogs? Apparently, Rani Citrus has pulp in it and has been running a campaign called "Get Chunked." They were human-sized piece of pulp chasing people around the mall. Still, I am not sure why. Do these guys not want to get chunked? If not, why would they even drink Rani? Or they wanted to get chunked and it is fun to run from the pulp? I am still out on this one due to it's complete randomness!

Hand Ball

So I am not a "sports" person but I have discovered the best way to watch these events is in Arabic. Al Jazeera has an ESPN knockoff that plays their favorite sports, which seems to be cricket, rugby, football, and what I saw tonight. I had to Google it since I had never seen anything like it. Team Handball! It is an Olympic Sport! I feel like I haven't been paying attention for years. It is hilarious to watch. It is like reverse soccer and you can only use your hands.

The American sports that have made it over include: NASCAR and WWE Wrestling. I have never laughed so hard in my entire life when I heard the good old boys announcing the race while the tickers streamed the opposite way in Arabic across the screen. I can't imagine why people over here think we violent people obsessed with cars! Whatever. At least we don't go all out for the Super Team Handball Bowl!

Movie Edits

OK, I do understand that I have moved to a Muslim country but there is a problem with the movies. They are edited, which normally would be fine. I am used to TV edits for the US. I understand that we use the excuse that we, as a country need to take responsibility to act as parents for people who cannot seem to do it for themselves. (That may actually be a separate post) However, the movie edits here make no sense. Swearing is completely OK. No morally questionable scenes of affection.

Now, I am sure that the O.C. fans can figure out the problem with Luke's father without seeing him kiss another man. But, while watching American Beauty, the guy-kiss is A MAJOR part of the story line. The movie makes no sense. There is a hug and then the Marine shoots Kevin Spacey (which is also fine to show at 10am). I tell myself that it must be that the movies are edited by people who cannot speak English and have no idea what they are saying just cut our scenes by sight alone. Just don't play the movie at all if you are going to ruin it by removing key violence and morally compromising scenes!!

Church Argument

So, I have been on my best behavior for a month now. I was fine until one of my office mates announced the Google Earth had deeply offended him. Let's get some things straight:

1) I think there is a person like this in every office. They have lots of theories about the world; even more opinions about your life; are super nosy; and usually do very little work.

2) I understand that most people I work with have learned English as a second language. I would not want someone to judge me based on my Arabic so I do question comments that seem extreme.

KOA: "Google Earth has deeply offended you? How?"
OM: "Yes. I am looking at the picture of this city and there is a mosque."
(*Now I am completely confused as he is a practicing Muslim*)
KOA: "Why is that offensive?"
OM: "Because they have labeled it 'Church!'"
KOA: " Oh, I see. Well, there is no need to be offended. In America, it is common to call any place of worship a 'Church.' It's OK."
OM: "No it's only for Christians."
KOA: "Well, OM, I have to answer to 'Na-ah'"
OM: "It does not mean that."
(And so was the day that I introduced the office to Merriam-Webster online, which states: a building for public and especially Christian worship. 'Especially' not 'only' makes me the winner!!)

**Disclaimer**

So, I started to write a rant about movie editing here in Dubai (to be finished eventually once I calm down) and realized that I sent this blog to people with kids who will use it to follow their Auntie Kate's adventures. I, of course, am not always G-Rated so I have decided to make this easier by marking all the entries that are "super kid friendly" with an asterisk. I assume that most under aged viewers will be checking out pictures but this is the official disclaimer!

I feel strongly that any random rants that I have should be posted for all but some things will never be appropriate (or interesting, for that matter) to someone under the age of 10. Posts not marked may still be fine but I am not taking responsibility for those!

**More of the New Pad**

The bedrooms are typical hotel standard issue. No complaints there. I did get a universal power strip for my room to use all my fun US electronics. This thing is great- it takes any type of plug but is horrible ugly as far as power strips go. Aesthetics loose out this time to function!

The common living area is pretty nice here as well. Living and dining rooms are connected. Entry way, laundry room, and 3 bedrooms, in addition to the kitchen are my new digs! An apartment with room and maid service, plus the grocery store delivers! I could get used to this- despite the heat outside!!

The outside however, is where the sweet part comes in. The resort is divided into the hotel and the suites, so we have separate pool and gym facilities. Our room overlooks the hotel pool and restaurants! Here is one of the four patios we have one the apartment (plus view)!

**The New Pad**

I do live in a sweet pad here in Dubai. The cost of apartments and houses in the city are outrageous so it is actually cheaper to retain a hotel apartment for people like me, lowly short-timers! The appliances here are OK. There are some problems. Everyone uses gas, which I love in a stove, however, I am not OK with the gas oven. I have figured out how to light it but I can't seem to get the flame to stay.

The microwave has a knob to set the cook time. I set it for one minute and hit start. 1:19 starts on the counter. WHAT? There is no reason for this and none of the instruction packets help with it.

The washing machine/ dryer are all-in-one! It is a French design and totally does not work. I am not actually sure if I am using the correct settings but honestly, I could care less since I refuse to iron things. It will be wrinkled once I wear it for an hour anyway. Luckily, you can send your laundry out for overnight service very cheaply here so that is always an alternative to washing 2 articles at a time!!

The dishwasher seems to have the same type of picture instructions as all the other appliance (read: completely worthless) What does this mean anyway? Hot water for pots only? Dishes only below? Whatever. I turn it until it starts and it seems to clean the dishes just fine!!

My favorite thing is this electric kettle. Maybe I am behind the "appliance" times but this thing is great. All the Brits seem to know what these are so I assume that the US is the only place where these are not common. (I just googled this and found that there are lots of places one can buy "European Styled Kettles" and I am just living in my bubble)

I am still using my computer for pictures! Never fear- buying a digital camera is on my to do list!!