**Greetings from Madrid**

Well, I have survived my trip from Dubai to Madrid, via Amsterdam. I will never be warm again. I have not seen under 17C since April and when I got off the plane in Amsterdam, it was -1C! I was in flip flops because that is all I own over here!! I have sneakers today so it was better.

I thought that Amsterdam would be cooler (not temperature-wise) but then again, I only saw the airport. I am a stressed out traveler so leaving for a couple of hours to go to the city sounds like hell to me. Once I arrived in Spain, I met my parents at the airport and did not get a visa stamp. It was weird. In Amsterdam, I had to go through customs to get to the other terminal. Here, no one checked anything. One would think they would be more vigilant. I guess since they pulled out of Iraq, they are feeling pretty confident.

Anyway, today we went to the Camille Claudel Exhibit at the International Cultural Center. If you have a chance to see her sculpture, it is really amazing. She studied under Rodin and may have actually been responsible for some of the sculptures in which he is credited for today. That event plus lunch and fighting the traffic in the rain took up most of our day. Now, I need siesta before dinner at 9pm!!

Don't worry- plenty of pictures to come!

**Happy Holidays**

Well, I am off to Spain to meet my family for Christmas. This is impede (even more) my ability to post on the blog. I hope that you all enjoyed the Rugby pictures and have a safe and happy holiday season. I will post even more photos as soon as I can!

**Rugby Pictures**

As promised, here is my attempt to share my 100 photos from my 2 days of mayhem. I am sure that my friends, who are well versed at e-stalking, will tell me if this is a bad idea. If it is, I will figure out an alternative!!

**RUGBY**

To close out the 3rd decade of my life, I spent the last weekend of my 20s at the Dubai Rugby 7s! Let me tell you that it was a bizarre experience. I have been to many drunken sporting events in my life but they have all been American. Being that this sport is qualified as "gentlemen acting like thugs" (as opposed to soccer), the crowd was drastically different. Everyone was drinking at 9am but there were no real fights and very limited security. Everyone was very chill- like the Woodstock of sport. Not to say that it was without drama. Apparently, people are VERY concerned with how their team competes. Since the US only scored once in 2 days of play, I chose my favorite team by match or surrounding fans. I have now found that this approach to rugby is not appreciated by "serious rugby fans"- whatever, I was born in a true first-world country where your opinion doesn't count! Yeah, I am such a great world traveler! Here are some of my observations:
1) England's song is "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot"- this is an American spiritual song sung by slaves. I thought that was the most random choice.
2) The organizers only had one CD of songs to play because by day 2, I never wanted to hear the following songs EVER AGAIN:
-Sweet Caroline
-Is This The Way To Amarillo
-Hey Baby
3) People will wear anything (or close to nothing) in public in a Muslim country
4) I did the conversion after the weekend and a 12 pack of Heineken beer with a cloth cooler was close to $80 USD! I am glad that I didn't think about that at the time.... I am mildly unhappy with the close to 10 coolers sitting in my apartment- we drank WAY too much expensive beer!
5) They imported cheerleaders from all over the world to be the international squad touring with the groups. I have no words for these girls except they do fit my normal views of cheerleaders.
6) The "Stadium Food" was officially PIES. I thought this was weird since people were walking around selling pies. Then, we got a round of pies. They were chicken pot pies..... little ones for personal eating. Gross.

OK, I am going to try to share the pictures of this day on Webshots tomorrow. I hope it works. Let me know if you have problems and I will just email you the link or whatever!!!

**Dubai Airshow**

I am not even sure how to describe this experience. Let me preface this with the observation that people here are not at all concerned with personal space. If you have seen video of Indian trains or buses, you would understand. It is like a clown car- hundreds of people packed into a space designed for 60 people tops.

I decided to go to the Airshow last minute. I had a ticket since our company had a booth at the event. I pre-registered online and caught a ride over with a colleague, who had a much sought-after parking pass. It took us nearly an hour to get 4 miles down the road to the Expo. I hate traffic- especially when someone else is driving. We park and get on the line for pre-registered ticket holders. The other line was hundreds of people long. In normal Arab fashion, we walked to the front of the line and they let 2 of us in because we were women. Then we stood in line and gave the lady our ticket. She scanned it and told us to get our name badge at the next counter; they would call out our name. There were 100 people shoving each other in front of me and 10 minutes later, my name gets called. They can't see me in the mosh pit so I shove my way forward. 15 MINUTES later, when I get to the side of the booth, they will not stop calling names and give me my tag. Finally, after I spot my tag, someone hands it to me. The crowd sees that I got my tag before them and surge forward. Now, I am a 6ft tall bad ass and I was trapped. The police guards came over to pull me out.

I was unhappy about the experience. I was crazed with thoughts about how this would never happen at an industry event in any first world country! I then went through security and set off the metal detector. Again, I head to the booth to get patted down by a Muslim woman. Like I am sneaking in weapons into the Airshow?!! By this time, nearly 3 hours had passed since we had left the office so we hurried up to go see the A380 fly, stopped at the both to say hi and then headed home. If I had paid for that ticket, I would have been very pissed off!

I think I am done with Airshows for awhile!!

Roommates

I live in a hotel, essentially. It is a corporate apartment in a hotel complex. Generally, I love it.

Plus Side:
1) Hotel things: room service, free pool, gym, concierge, etc.
2) Maid Service
3) Restaurants/ grocery store within the complex
4) Underground parking

Negative Side:
1) Hotel things: when someone checks out we all need to get new keys. I hate that!
2) Everyone addresses me as "Ms. Kate" or "Madame"
3) Maid Service never comes at the same time- during the week, they come in the evening and on the weekends they come in at like 8am!!
4) ROOMMATES

Since this is a 3 bedroom apartment, other people come and live here while they are over here working for the company. They come for stays ranging 1 night to 4 months! Short timers, however, are almost on vacation. They have a huge amount of questions and want to do all the touristy things at the last minute. I try to appease them by stopping at the camel farm on the way home from work for them to take pictures and explaining things as best I can- but it becomes tedious. Then we have the special roommates that bring the drama.

1) The Hippie- he and his wife came here and and stayed for 3 weeks. They were crazy. They asked for a quiet room with lots of birds outside and greenery. We thought they were joking. They weren't. They complained when the bar downstairs was checking their sound system loudly at 5 pm! They filled the fridge with weird soy and tofu products and never really washed dishes- just rinsed them. They also left me a "Jesus Saves" DVD and directions to the nearest christian church. Apparently, they are worried about my immortal soul or something!

2) The Scottish Alcoholic- he came and was supposed to stay for a long time. He started divorce proceedings and went a little nuts. He drank most of the bar and started skipping work. He also racked up a $32,000 AED (approximately $8,700 USD) in international calls to Scotland to fight with his soon-to-be ex. He moved out in October and we are still finding empty bottles hidden around the apartment!!

3) The Tulsa OCD Gal- she was great! She would follow me around and pick up after me. However, when she had some beers, she would tweek out. We were planning a Halloween party and in 30 minutes in the car, she went over what we needed to buy about 45 times. I suggested that we make a list later and she couldn't let it go. That is annoying, especially when I am sober. Then, when we had plans, she would insist on inviting EVERYONE! I swear that total strangers were invited to get manicures with us. We all know that I hate people so this would piss me off to no end.

And most recently:
4) The Asian-Enthusiast from Oklahoma- this guy has been here for 2 weeks and leaves in December. I cannot wait for that day. He moved in last Friday and immediately went to the mall. He came back a friend, Yang Yang. (Think of Dubai as the Vegas of the Middle East- everything that happens in Vegas happens here but it is cheaper and the government turns a blind eye to the rampant prostitution and horrible living conditions of its labor and poor). He proceeds to bring this chick to a company BBQ... oh, and she speaks ZERO English. She spent the weekend here. As I type this, he has 2 new friends over for the evening. I am not even upset. Just shocked at the behavior. I know that all guys are not like this but here, they are allowed by the culture to do whatever they please, without repercussion.

If I were not here, I wouldn't believe this was my life either....

**Happy Thanksgiving**

I know that it is very early on Saturday for most of you on the EST lifestyle- but I hope that you all had a great Turkey Day! Don't worry about me; Thanksgiving was hosted by my (British) Engineering Director, my favorite Software Development Engineer and me! We cooked for about 18 people... well, they cooked; I supervised and managed to provide an excellent desert menu. One cannot have a semi-traditional Thanksgiving dinner without Bourbon Pecan Pie. Mad props to Chad for such a great discovery!!

In other news, work has become mildly all-consuming. I cannot blame my slacker-ness on work alone. I will also blame it on my roommates (but that will be a separate post altogether- if I can even bear to type the drama out!) I did, however, manage to get tickets for Christmas in Madrid to see my family! Now, if I can find time to plan my vacation to Cairo with Duane-o, I will be making good steps toward the inevitable workaholic lifestyle!

I have started a million entries to this blog and have not finished a single one. Then again, I started my laundry a week ago and it still isn't done either!! For anyone who knows me, they understand that I get distracted by shiny things and have trouble finishing tasks. I have a million pictures that I need to post for y'all as well!! Please keep checking for updates to the blog and I will try to get a little less distracted. Also, if you have sent me an email; my average response time is around a month! I am sorry!

I miss you all!!!!

**Illness, part 2**

Since karma has a great sense of irony, once I posted that blip about how much I hope that I do not get sick over here..... now I have the flu. Or a bad head cold. I cannot tell. I can barely stand and I have missed 2 days of work. What a slacker I am!!

On the bright side, I must say that I am very happy about the RED SOX winning the World Series (even though I cannot watch American sports as they come on at like 1-3am in the morning)!!
And that very few people have bothered me while I am resting. I have also enjoyed the surge of email! I miss you all so much!

Besides the germ infestation of my body- I got nothing going on. Once I get back in the saddle (last week was not the best performance this world has ever seen from me), I promise to do something fun and write about it. Also, I am trying to figure out a way to post pictures- lots of pictures and videos- for you all to see without becoming some sort of YouTube Freak that you see on a Vh1 Show. More to come....

I heart my Bus Pub

For a Muslim country, they are surprisingly down with the drinking. This is ideal for me! It is one of my most favorite activities. There are many restaurants, a grocery store, and a PUB in my hotel complex. The Double Decker, now nicknamed The Bus by my former roommate, The Hot Nutty Irishman. After a long day on the construction site, I like to have a drink. During the week, The Bus hands these out to the ladies:

Since my JD and ginger ales are not included, my roommates will buy my drink and I will get their beers with my tickets! I love this system.

The first time we were working this out, I went to the bar to buy a beer and it was not included as well. I tried to pay for it but random patrons at the bar insisted that they pay for it. Normally, I do not turn down free drinks. However, this drink was not for me. I was not sure how the men at the bar were going to react to finding out that they were buying a guy; not me, a drink. So, in true college style, I thanked them, took a few sips of the beer while talking to them and then, returned to the table and made the recipient hide the beer while he drank it. The Hot Nutty Irishman did call me a tart but I am OK with that since he is still drinking the beers I get him. I am nothing if not a classy broad.

Road Trips!

So, if you can imagine a place where your commute to work can change during the time you are at work, you can imagine Dubai. Driving here is a challenge because you have to accomplish it without the normal tools. I use maps, Google Earth, and co worker's advice daily and still manage to get lost ALL THE TIME.

I have been here almost 6 months and have been driving since August. Today, I went to the Post Office. It took 2 hours to find it. Once I figured out where it was, got my package (PS: THE CAMERA HAS ARRIVED), fought with customs, and drove home, I found that it should have taken me 15 minutes in midday traffic for me to get there!!

The roads here change so quickly that none of the maps are up to date. Basically, you have to identify landmarks that determine when you have gone too far. None of the roads make sense and there is no universal way to build exits. Some of them are what Americans would expect; the clover leaf. Here, even if it looks like a clover leaf, sometimes the leaf is not a smooth curve and suddenly, you have to turn sharply. It is almost like they plan it as they build it and adjust for miscalculations at the last minute.

Now, this may seem hilarious to you but let me assure you that I am improving. My roommates and I went to the liquor store before Ramadan to stock up and with 2 navigators and maps, it took us 8 hours to make a trip that should have taken 2 at the most. I always pack water now on road trips to squelch my fears of dying in the desert!!

Little Things

So, I am still amused at small differences here. Most of these things consist of the fact that this country caters to English speakers but is still Arabic to the core. Things that seem like they should be English... especially American things.... still throw me at first. For example: It also opens on the opposite side, since Arabic is read from right to left! (During my cultural training, I passed by referring to this as the opposite of Western reading, as opposed to the "wrong direction" - a common mistake of Western business persons!!) Now, I will be getting my Rosetta Stone for Arabic at the end of this week. I am hoping that magazines are still written at a 4th grade level so I can read the article with such inflammatory pictures below (also the reason that this entry does not have child-friendly **s): I would not presume to understand the politics of this region fully but I would think that they would hire a PR rep to help them understand what images would get a reaction out of people. Any American living in the Middle East is not going to be super happy with this. The cover story is about the gun problem in Iraq so I would be interested to see how this is tied into burning the American flag. I will keep you updated as I get the article translated!

**I am an Auntie**

Big news!! I am an Auntie Kate yet again! One of my most famous and infamous drinking buddies from college has settled down and welcomed his first son to our happy family of misfits! Junior came to us on the 13th of October- happy and healthy. I was so excited that I did not ask for normal vitals associated with babies but he was around 6 lbs. Currently, he is resting at home and his new dad has started to read him The Wall Street Journal- no need to put off his education!

Congrats to the new baby! You have fallen in the correct place as my most favorite thing to do is spoil my honorary nieces and nephews!! I heart you already!

**Every 60 days!**

So, I am here in Dubai on a visitor visa. This is good for 60 days at a time. That means that until I get my residency visa, I fly out of the country every 60 days and then fly right back. This wastes about 3-4 hours of my day but is always an interesting adventure. The first trip to Doha, Qatar: This trip was in the morning and allowed me 2 extra breakfasts, in addition to the one I had at home! However, since I look like trouble, I was detained in Doha. I am still not sure what happened. I arrived, checked in for my next flight and they told me to sit down and wait. They took my passport and boarding pass to the desk. I waited. They argued in Arabic for awhile. I went back up to ask what the problem was. The 2 security guards escorted me back to my seat. Ironically, my IPOD was playing "Bombs Over Baghdad" by Outcast. I changed it in case they were watching me that closely with bionic ears! Everyone got on the bus to take them to the plane. I repeated my inquiry above with the same result. Now, I am 3 minutes away from scheduled take off time and they return my paperwork with no explanation and send me to the plane. I have the worst luck! The second trip to Muscat, Oman: I thought that Doha was a crap airport. It is super compared to Muscat. Muscat seems to fit my idea of what a Middle Eastern airport would look like.... it is in the desert with industrial buildings surrounding it. There are about 8 gates in the entire place. I checked in at my return gate and there was some discussion regarding my passport. Then, the lady asked me to fill out a survey about the airport. In an effort to avoid another "incident," I asked her for a pen to fill it out. She said that she didn't have one. On principle, now I cannot fill out the survey. I had a pen in my bag but if your job is to get people to fill out surveys, you should have writing utensils. Not to mention, you are at work, there is nothing in that desk. She didn't understand. I sat down and kept the survey. On the way home, we received this sticker with our headsets: I was unsure where you were supposed to stick these. I thought about the forehead, shoulder, etc. Then, I turned it over and realized that I am not the only retarded person. Apparently, enough people are stupid so there needed to be picture instructions, like IKEA: My next adventure is coming up later this week. Hopefully, y'all won't see me on the news!!

**Extreme Driving**

Let me say that I LOVE DRIVING IN DUBAI. It is like driving in DC when there are only tourists and people from Maryland on the roads.... but with no rules or blinkers. The only rule is that if you make eye contact with anyone, that is the signal for them to merge. So, you continue to drive with blinders and expect everyone to cut you off with no warning and lots and lots of honking. In addition, safety is NON EXISTENT. There are no seat belt rules and all children stand in the back of their parents cars as they talk on their cell phones and chain smoke. I don't even know if they know what a car seat is! Its madness!!

Now that I have set the scene, I must say that I was much better when I was driving the beater car. Yes, it smelled and there was some sort of stick on tinting on the back window that rendered it useless, but with the new car, I am a little too scared to be as aggressive. I got this Focus with 77km on the odometer. Being American, I have no idea how much that is but I have never had a car under 100 anything. Hell, I don't think I have had anything under 20,000 anything.

Since the most common question I have received since I got the car has been: What are you going to do when you get caught *fill in with speeding or any number of driving offenses.* Well, I would like to remind everyone that I am a very good driver. Despite Dubai not understanding the traffic circle or the use of speed bumps, they have the speeding under control. They have cameras everywhere. Actually, they have camera boxes everywhere. Only some of them have cameras and during the day, they won't flash either way, so you generally only speed if you can afford the fines. The fines accumulate and you pay once a year when you renew your registration. There are no points unless you do something to actually make the police pull you over. I don't know what that would consist of but my manager was able to do it and land a nice "driving recklessly" ticket. Mad props there!!

I am sure with the new wheels - y'all can expect a whole bunch of road stories. I am so much trouble!

**Ramadan Karim!**

OK, so Ramadan just ended here (actually, everywhere, I guess). For those of you who do not know (like myself), Ramadan is the holy month of the Muslim calendar. It follows a lunar cycle and involves fasting (no water or food) during the daylight hours, no smoking, and generally acting well for a month to sort of set yourself up for the rest of the year. Most religions have something similar so you can self-evaluate once a year. However, I jumped into the deep end since I got to celebrate my first Ramadan in a Muslim country.

On the first day of Ramadan (and with my usual "sensitivity"), I committed a faux pas. Luckily, I have prepared everyone with my stupid question and dumb jokes since April... so I was cut a little slack. Since the appropriate greeting is "Ramadan Karim" (pronounced "Ka-reem"), everyone was using this. A coworker said it to me and since Kareem is a name in the US, I asked if all the Ramadan's were named.... like hurricanes. I feel this question was justified and sadly, they just laughed at me. Fortunately, I can use Google and found that it means "Generous Ramadan" as it is a month where all Muslims are supposed to help those less fortunate than themselves. I hope my mistakes save you all some embarrassment. It is too late for me... obviously!

Over the month of Ramadan, I was lucky enough to be included in many Iftar's - the daily meal Muslims eat when they break fast at sunset. Everywhere has Iftar specials. I mean everywhere - from the fancy hotels to Pizza Hut and KFC! I will be posting pictures as soon as I get an appropriate picture host!

My favorite "commercial" aspect of the month was the universal need for car salesman to use a holiday to sell cars. On the radio, there were tons of commercials starting, "Celebrate the holy month of Ramadan and make it memorable for your family by coming to Al-Whomever's Auto Sales and get zero down on a new BMW!!" I almost drove off the road; I was laughing so hard!!

Now, that Ramadan is over and we are back to normal hours of work and there is no dehydrated road rage on the commute home every day, Eid Mubarak (Happy Eid Festival marking the end of Ramadan)!!

**Illness**

As a general rule, one can get all western items here in Dubai. The UAE is very liberal in its Muslim rules and has made many efforts to accommodate tourists. However, when you get sick here, it is a different story.

I have not gone to the hospital for any ailments yet. I am not sure how sick I would have to be to do that but everyone I know who has gone has had no problems. And, the pharmacy does not have the same regulation as they would in the US so they will sell things like antibiotics over the counter. Being a firm believer in drugs, I support this in some cases.... like if you call a doctor and they tell you what to get. I, personally, have no idea what to ask for so this perk is not so helpful to me.

For all of you who are immediately planning your trips to Dubai to stock up on restricted drugs, stop. They do not have pain killers available anywhere but in the hospital. No one holds up the pharmacy for Oxycontin here. However, that is not what I have an issue with
.... there is no NyQuil here. None. It has alcohol in it so they do not sell it. And they do not sell it in the liquor stores either! This is unacceptable. That is my one tool to fight colds and continue my normal life.

I did get a cold here initially and this is what one of my coworkers gave me for it:
I was too scared to open it (hence the glare from the herbs still inside), let alone take it. The label reads, "CENTURIES OLD HERBAL TEA FOR FLU, COUGH, COLD, CATTARH, IRRITATION OF THROAT AND FEVER IN INSTANT FORM. USAGE: DISSOLVE ONE PACK IN A CUP OF HOT WATER OR TEA AND SIP SLOWLY USE THRICE A DAY"

Umm, no thanks! I am not taking this "thrice a day" for something that cures everything!! Let's all pray that I never get a real cold here.

**Desert Madness!**

"So, no postings for a month, right?

I know, I know. I have been busy and a little homesick.

That is no excuse. People want to know what is going on with you. You could be dead and no one would know. Tell us what is going on!"

Above is a summary of all the emails and voice mails I have received over the past couple of weeks. I have cleaned up the language for the younger audience but message received. Here we go:

1) Quick update:
- New Camera has been ALL OVER THE WORLD. Expected delivery date will be Monday. Pictures will be loaded to Webshots for your viewing pleasure (as soon as I work out the kinks & actually take pictures.)

- The Promotion is finalized and official. I have successfully negotiated and received approximately half of what I asked for (not to be confused with "what I am worth" but all in time, grasshopper)

- They leased me a car. Heh. This will be the topic of many posts in the near future. Currently, I am driving a beater Civic while I wait for the new Focus to arrive. Expected Sunday but we will see.

- It is currently the Muslim Holy Month of Ramadan. Ramadan Kareem for all Muslims who may read my page. (It could happen - some people think I am interesting).

-Mad props out to my niece who just joined the Brownies (so I have the cookie hook up for those of you in need of a fix) and my nephew who just moved up 13 places in his National BMX ranking. They are perfect and obviously take after their aunt!


Now, the postings will come more often. Sometimes it is hard to type out stories so I will try to keep it up with it. I miss you all!

**TV Shows & Talking Smack**

I know that I blog about the lamest things but this strikes me as hilarious (and seriously, you don't have to read this- you could work instead!!)

The TV programming here has allowed me to catch up on a range of shows. I can watch Veronica Mars and The O.C. from the beginning. I can ruin the end of the Sopranos by accidentally watching an episode I haven't seen yet. I can also watch Out of This World from 1987!!! I couldn't believe this was on and was so excited since this was one of my most favorite shows when I was 9 years old.

I miss MTV, VH1, and my soap a lot more than I thought I would. I also miss having movies that are not edited or that have DVD Menus in Russian. I will survive, of course, but I still crave mindless American TV.

I have also become sensitive to how the US is perceived here. I think that CNN and the latest movies are the only peephole most Arabs will ever have into our country. There is no concept of normal life and culture. Some would argue that we do not have culture but I would have to disagree. We take for granted that we grow up in a country that demands (and receives) a transparent view of our leaders; feel entitled to freedom of speech; and have the ability and expectation to see 2 sides to every argument/ issue. Maybe Sean Penn does not speak for all of us.

I also have the sibling dilemma here. If you have siblings, you will understand that you can be mean and insult your brothers and sisters. You can even hate them until someone else acts the same way to them. Then, its on. You will defend them to the end. I have the same feelings about my country as I live over here. I can be mad about foreign policy or government spending but let someone talk smack about the US and I am the first one pointing out that they have no idea what they are talking about.

My roommate's brother and friends were visiting us for a week from Ireland and we expressing their opinions about President Bush and the war in Iraq. Normally, I avoid these conversations to keep the peace. However, in this case, how dare they? I would never assume to understand what it is like to live in Ireland and why y'all keep blowing each other up over religion. How could I possibly understand those issues since it isn't my country? So, step off with your critiques and when Ireland is a major world power, come back and talk some smack.

That is my rant for today!!

**More Office Antics**

So, last Thursday (which is our Friday) was my manager's last day. Management left early, as management universally is prone to doing, so we were left to our own devices. Here is what happened:

He agrees to the pitch.....
Batter up....Strike! (Or homerun... who knows)This went on forever! I would say that it prevented me from working but I was enjoying the show WAY TOO MUCH! (Post Script: That large bubble-wrapped object is one of my display screens- that is right folks, when you want to find out which gate your flight is departing from.... I make sure there is a screen there to tell you! My job the most boring thing I have ever heard of)

**My little life: update**

So, first, I ordered my fabulous, FIRST real camera since I was 10 years old. I know... I am mildly behind the times! Since this color is sold out all over the UAE (I am serious- I have been to nearly 50 electronics stores), I have just ordered it at home and am relying on my mommy to send it to me. Yeah, I am such a grown up!!

Second, I got a snazzy new work phone. See the fun Arabic letters on the keys! (The language will always be a novelty to me- I can't help it!!)Lastly, I have officially been offered a promotion at work! I will need to work nearly a million hours a week to do the job well but hopefully I will be well compensated. Actually, let me rephrase: I will not accept the position without lots of money. I am tired of being treated like a child because I am not 45 and a man. Wish me luck. I may get deported tonight!! ;-)

Talk to the Hat

I was just on the normal ride home from work when in the far lane of the road, two laborers broke into a FIGHT!! I, personally, would never pick a 44C day with 80% humidity to exert myself. However, after a long day on the construction site, the "yo momma" jokes must have been too much for someone and it was on!! In the 3 real seconds of this fight (before it turned into wrestling), there was some shoving which turned into the throw down: a hard hat punch to the side of the face.

Let me repeat that: This guy hit another guy with his hard hat.

This is brilliant. I have never laughed so hard. How can you trash talk that? He is the man! Shut the hell up or I will sucker punch you with my safety gear. My roommates and I have decided that this tactic should be applied in our office. Everyone has their own hard hats so the element of surprise will be crucial.

I feel that this knowledge is power.

*Camelicious*

I have put off trying the camel milk to date. Then, in the grocery store last weekend, I tried to pump myself up to try some Camelicious Milk. However, I talked myself into it by picking:
Strawberry milk!! Sadly, I can't remember the last time I had strawberry milk so I don't believe it was a good comparison. I will try the normal milk and get back to everyone. (From what I remember of strawberry milk, this isn't too different!)

The Site- Reloaded

Despite my absolute refusal to ever go to site again, my exiting manager decided that I needed to go on a Site Walk to inspect a series of mock ups. I am working to build the next concourse of the airport; specifically the displays that tells you the flight information and the speaker system that annoys you while you try to make last minute phone calls. Right now, there is minimal air conditioning and temporary power so inside the site is only slightly more bearable than outside.

I walk around with these important people and get my usually work out. For those of you who do not know me, I am a big gal, who smokes and hates vegetables, working out, and hypocrites. The last item was just for your information and has little to do with this story. My manager was convinced that I was overreacting to the situation by only referring to site as "The Gauntlet" (I can also be a drama queen). However, he was proven wrong when we went to site today. Every laborer stopped working to stare at me as I walked by. Not staring like we do in the states when we are picking a bar fight but staring like the other people in that dream you have when you show up at school naked.

I am now thinking that it is actually the fact that I turn this fun shade of purple when I am hot and exercising in 122 degree weather. I think they know to stare at pretty.... which is exactly what I am walking around site. Nice post script though: I swear I lose 5 lbs. every time I do a site walk so if this picks up, I will never have to go to the gym ever again!!

The First Trip to Site

Currently, I work off-site- in a nice, air-conditioned office. I go to site to meet with people in air-conditioned trailers. Sadly, I was required to go to yet another safety training yesterday. I went to site with 2 of my colleagues and made my way into the East Ramp and down to the 5th basement of what will eventually be the new terminal of the airport.

Instantly, I stick out. My male colleagues notice. While there are women that work in the offices on site, there is rarely a woman rocking the steel toed and heeled boots, safety vest, and hard hat who is 6 ft. tall and white with blond hair. There are thousands upon thousands of laborers working on this construction site; mostly from Pakistan and India. I met a bunch of them yesterday as I made quite the disruption walking around on site.

My colleagues quickly realize how wonderful this is. We can walk in the road (not on the pedestrian area- which is longer) and they stop traffic for me. I got to cut to the front of the lines for area permits. Crowds of men who have been living in labor camps for years stare and whistle. I have decided that I will not be able to go to site alone. Ever. I am used to people staring but this is the most unbelievable thing I have ever experienced!!

How do you say?

I hear the above phrase all the time. Most of the Arab men I work with went to British schools and are desperate to learn American English.... especially the slang. I am not a great influence since I swear like a sailor and have mastered the art of putting the perfect insult together.

(If you have a queasy stomach or do not like gross things- please stop reading now)
The other day, my office mate groaned. I asked him if he was OK and he replied (like most of my friends, who are completely open about all bodily functions), "No, I don't feel good. I need to go to the bathroom."

The conversation could have stopped there. It really didn't need to have gone that far already.

He stands up and yells:
"Katie-Kate, How do you say? Huh? Wait.... I am going to blow it up!! The bathroom... get it?"

I do. I can't believe how funny this is. My reply has to be:
"Dude, first, I don't need to know you like that. Second, Americans get nervous when Arabs yell 'I am going to blow it up!!' so let's not do that again."

He still finds this to be the funniest thing ever! I am a fly strip for inappropriate!

*Car Show!*

I know I have mentioned some of the dangers of traffic/driving here in Dubai. I left out their complete obsession (and lack of basic concept understanding) of the traffic circle and speed humps.

The traffic circles are EVERYWHERE and usually 3-4 lanes wide. Even in the simple 2 lane circle, anyone can exit from any lane. This can cause some problems when others are trying to merge into traffic and both lanes can either exit or continue round! It is like getting into double dutch jumping! In some cases, they have just given up and put in traffic lights on the circles. This completely defeats the purpose but who am I to judge.

The only thing that outnumbers circles are speed humps. Humps- not bumps. These will bottom out a small SUV. It is also common to see some poor guy stuck with a Lamborghini that will not even come close to clearing it. The hilarious part about people here is that the gas is so cheap, they don't care. They will speed up to 60 mph and then slam on their breaks for the hump. Pointless.

I will not even get into safety issues now. I could write a book on how crazy people are when left to their own judgment!!

The very cool aspect about the location has already been mentioned. It is a car show here every day. Leaving work, we spotted this custom job on the back of a flat bed (most likely because if the humps): I was also in the parking garage at the mall and saw this parked with all the crappy cars: Seriously dude. If you can afford this car; you can afford valet.

Everyday is like "Gone in 60 Seconds" and if you are feeling brave, see what that does to people on YouTube by searching "crazy arabs" Hours of entertainment!!

*StormCenter- Day 3*

This is the 3rd day of my very first SANDSTORM!!! I was very excited about the sandstorm concept. If one lives in a normal desert, they seem to be crazy out of control! This is what I expected from pictures in Iraq: Awesome, right? I guess that these do occur here and they are like rainstorms in Florida- intense, dangerous, and about 15 minutes long!

In this particular case, the urban sprawl and the location of Dubai has created another ecosystem- trapping moisture and humidity off the gulf and sand from the desert. Over the past 2 decades, they have started to get clouds year round here. Anyway- back to the weather at hand.... This is what my first sandstorm has looked like since Sunday: What a let down! Not to mention, this is the most annoying weather place ever. You are sticky all the time from the humidity and then sand sticks to you.

*Diet Coke Madness!*

So, I received some amusing emails regarding my earlier Diet Coke posting. The first, and by far the funniest, was from my most favorite man in Bucksport, Maine.

He says, "The diet coke thing is simple. The rest of the world had coke lite (and it is disgusting everyplace) only to make America look so good. All the rest of the world buys it, but you can always get a smile when you see an American have their first taste of the crap. The expression could be used by movie directors to teach actors the look of losing their best friend. It is even intensified if the traveling American has gone a few weeks without diet coke."

This is the best description EVER! I laughed out loud and that rarely happens from an email!

The close second was more practical from one of may bad ass girlfriends, who has recently returned from a tour in Iraq and knows my pain firsthand:

She says, "I can totally relate about Middle East diet coke. My solution was switching to Diet Pepsi which is a LOT better. The stuff we had has Turkish on it and it said "Harika Tat." We all actually started calling it "Harika tat." Take the pepsi challenge and report back to me."

Now, I took the Pepsi challenge and it has spawned another new dilemma (that's about par for most things in my life)

New problem:
While this turned out to be a more fabulous picture of my manicure, that label also state, "NOT TO BE USED BY PHENYLKETONURICS" I am a little germaphobic so I instantly wikipedia-ed "Phenylketonuria"

I am assuming that I do not have this recessive gene since I have been drinking diet soda here for awhile. Did I miss something? Is this on labels at home? On a post script, the Pepsi is much better but still drastically different from the US. I am just going to have to get over it as it is one of the few things that isn't nice over here

Semi Charmed Life

I just realized on Friday that I live a very "princess" life. This is made possible by the company- provided accommodations and the tax free country in which I reside. This frees up funding for the fact that I take taxis everywhere and spend a lot of time participating in Dubai's national pastime: shopping.

On Friday, I went to the mall to buy some camping gear (Don't ask) and called for a taxi. A Mercedes shows up and takes me to the mall. Sadly, this is when I realized that my life is not normal. It is fake because there is no way I could afford my lifestyle in a first world country but abnormal for the moment. Last night, I went to get my nails done and again, rode to my mundane errand in a spiffy Lexus!! I am trying to avoid getting used to this as "service" in the US has a completely different meaning.

On a less self-involved note, on Saturday, I became the neighbor of the World's Tallest Building, Burj Dubai. As they completely the 141st floor on Saturday, the "Burj" surpassed Taiwan's 508m (1,667ft) Taipei 101 Building. They will not say how tall they are making the Burj because there is some industry competition or whatever weird thing architects do to compete with each other. So, if I hear anything, I will be sure you all are the first to know.

There is no excuse

I am the worst blogger in the world. There are some systemic problems with me blogging.

1) I am lazy. I never finish anything. Right now, I have started 8 entries and not one has been completed!! (Such a slacker!)

2) Since I have committed some horrible act in a past life, karma continues to punish me. This new job has fallen victim to my normal employment curse!! I have arrived, started work, and then my boss quits. There is shuffling that usually ends up with me doing all the work for the low, low price of my current salary. The latter part of that will not happen this time- I will quit first.

3) I have my first desert cold... and it sucks a whole bunch. They do not sell NyQuil here because of the alcohol content so self-medicating is not really helping. I can buy absinthe at the liquor store but no cold medicine without a license!! This is most likely not helping my attitude about #2. Then again, I am not really a team player. I only play one for 8 hours a day!!

So, thank you all for the hate mail. I am getting peer pressured into keeping up with the diary however, sadly, my life is about to get very boring with the increased responsibility. Maybe I will just change my blog into "How not to build an Airport when money is not an object"

More to come. Soon. I swear.

*Office Pranks*

Once upon a time, there was a boy in Dubai who went to high school. Like all high schools across the world, they required their students to wrap their school books in brown paper. (At home, we used grocery bags but you know what I mean) This boy lived in Dubai, a small community at the time, and attended a private school with his 2 sisters. He decided not to wrap his books. Over and over again, his teachers asked him to comply. He refused. He was sent to the Principal's office and she asked, "Why didn't you cover your books in brown paper?" With a straight face, he told her that his family was too poor and couldn't afford brown paper. Silence. Then, "You realize that I know your family and you are not poor." No deal. No paper. Defiance (as much as you can in high school) Many years later, that same boy grew up and started working at a company with his sister. He was moving back to Dubai from the US and was gone for 3 weeks. His sister randomly tells the brown paper story and his evil co-workers run with it.
Defiant no more! I don't know if you have ever considered what it takes to individually wrap every item on your desk but I am sure you are thinking about it now. Let me tell you that from work boots to mouse pad to paper clips, it takes a team of 5-7 approximately 1 hour to get a pretty good result! Highly recommended to any office mate with a sense of humor.

PS) We completely blamed his kid sister for the idea. Literally.

*Arabic Ranch Dressing*

Quick SAT question....Yogurt Is to Arabs as Ranch is to Who? That's right. I feel like that Mike kid on the 4th season of the Real World (if you are too young to remember this, that was the first London season). Why has no one ever heard of Ranch dressing? They sell it here but no one seems to use it. I am quickly getting used to the fact that yogurt is on everything. It is really their answer to ranch dressing in the US. It comes on all my salads and is the only reason I can eat any of the Indian food here. They have a range from the cottage cheese type to a watery type with onions in it. It is slowly becoming one of my food groups against my will!

Oral Fixation Mints

I found these at the local gas station and thought they were hilarious (I also found out they were expensive- Freaking $4 USD for the tin). These particular kind is "Night Light; Caffeinated Chai Mint." I am not a fan of chai but all the other things sounded good (side note: after trying the mints, still not a fan of the chai)

Then I visited the website and found out that they are designer mints. Who would have thought that I had such great taste. I am sure there is something in these that will eventually kill me. Look at how menacing they are! NO!! FIX!!

They are made in Hopewell, NJ at a place called The Chocolate Factory so really, this post has nothing to do with Dubai at all!!

*Independence Day*

Happy 4th of July to all. This is the first time I have not celebrated my favorite holiday! It was a holiday nonetheless in my mind. Sadly, the British ex-pats do not share my excitement over today (sore losers) and I had to work!

So, I wish you all well before you head off to cookouts and fireworks! Thank you for your messages reminding me where I am from and why I should joyous! Trust me, I have never appreciated my country more than now; we are very, very lucky people!

Happy 4th!

*Breath Strips*

I understand that I live in a humid desert (because everything in my life must be ironic) and that my hair will never be un-frizzy. This place is serious about wet, heavy air and makes South Carolina thru Florida in August seem chilly! What I did not account for was the destruction of my Listerine Breath Strips (which, if you haven't tried, you should. I especially enjoy giving them to children!). Here is what they normally look like.

Here is the end result of breath strips that live in Dubai:

This looks like a "triple dog dare" just waiting to happen, if I have ever seen one!

*Maine Pride*

I was trying to catch up on current U.S. events yesterday and found this picture on msnbc.com in their story about Putin's visit to Maine to meet with President Bush. This picture made me so proud to be from Maine; and also a little worried about the Russians' sense of humor. Only in Maine will they go all out to welcome our visitors!

This is someone's grandmother!

*Die Hard after all this time*

I am back after an extended distractions from work and lack of Internet at the hotel. I would have posted from work but there is some sort of virus recording our keystrokes so I didn't want to risk someone stealing my fabulous web blog. I have lots to tell you so expect many updates.

The most important (and ironic) thing of interest is Die Hard 4. This movie opened in the UAE last night and, as far as I know, it was not edited too much. It was, however, very surreal. First, there was assigned seating; when you buy the ticket, you pick out where you are going to sit. Once you get in the theater, there are ushers. This is great because you can arrive 5 minutes before the movie starts and be guaranteed your seats. However, unexpected.

OK- back to the actual movie. It is an excellent sequel while still remaining a "Die Hard" movie. Bruce Willis saves the United States from terrorists against all odds on Independence Day, all the while making cute comments and sarcastic jokes. Watching this plot unfold while sitting in a theater in the Middle East was weird. In my mind, I can tell myself that not at Arabs hate Americans and want to kill us. At the same time, do we need to make movies that highlight our security weaknesses?!! By the end of the movie, I was better because people were cheering for John McLean as he battled the bad guys. (PS the special effects and stunts in the film were totally out of control!!)

Lastly, they offer 3 kinds of popcorn at the theater: butter, honey, and caramel. I am addicted to honey popcorn. Seriously addicted.

Snow!

Dubai has this obsession with shopping, which obviously results in shopping malls everywhere. However, these malls are out of control. My favorite is the Mall of the Emirates.
The main reason I love it is because of Ski Dubai, the indoor ski slope.

At the end of the slope is a wall (which is hilarious in general) but on the other side, is a bar. One can sit at the bar and watch people fall down the slope into the wall. I love this. I also love that everyone there wears a helmet. Even the kids in the inner tubes! Coming from a state virtually covered in snow 9 months out of the year, this behavior is hysterical.
I also LOVE the fake snow-covered trees... like you will start to forget you are indoors.

Since I don't ski, you will have to enjoy the slopes through a stranger!

Local dancing

I have heard rumors about a local UAE dance that is performed (usually in competition) with a rifle of some sort. Since You Tube is now my ultimate research tool, I tried to find this. I thought that it was bad PR for the Middle East to be dancing around with weapons but it turns out that I can only find kids doing this dance. It is very close to US drill teams with their rifles. So mix that with a gymnastic floor routine and you have their local traditional dance.

The adults, however, seem to be fond of this sword dance. I am not even going to talk about the safety issues associated with this. I will note that swords seem to be pretty common here; their blade of choice, like machetes in Rwanda. A lot of street fights start over girls (universal) but people will bring their swords. Who even has a sword that is fight ready in case you have to throw down outside a bar? It is not like it is easy to conceal. Maybe you just wear it out, like the Calvary! (Let's hope that comment does not come out if I ever see someone carrying a sword!!)

**TV Commercials**

The largest adjustment for Americans (beyond the Diet Coke scandal) is the television. The sports are completely weird (see below). The shows are a mixture of Arabian, American, and British programming. There does not seem to be a consistent schedule and there are no commercials (generally) during the programs. However, there are some commercial breaks that are either 20 minutes of commercials or upcoming movie release specials. (I cannot watch the "Making of Shrek the Third" anymore!!)

The commercials usually run in English and Arabic. However, some of them only run in Arabic, leading to my new favorite game: Guess the product. Now, in the US, one would try to guess the product before they show it. Here, it is just to guess the product in general. Trust me.

Here were the toughest so far:
1) All the green and red (walk and don't walk) men jump out of the street lights and perform an epic battle, greens ultimately defeating the reds. Watch

Turns out that this is for Snickers, Don't Stop. Cute but really violent and confusing in Arabic. Even with the Snickers logo at the end, as it makes no sense without the tag line.

2) This Arab woman is eating some sort of spread on bread. It is in a mayonnaise jar and I don't judge because everyone here loves mayo like they are British. Then, she puts it in the fridge and sees some nacho chips on the counter and eats the "mayo" with the chips. Then she repeats the same thing with a plate of vegetables! Then, she puts it away, walks away, and goes back and just eats it straight out of the jar with a spoon! Now I am confused. Mayo is OK but this is a little crazy. She finally stops eating it when the phone rings and she meets her friends for dinner. (She can't eat there because she is so full from "mayo" all day) I couldn't get this one on my own. I went in search of this product at the grocery store. After some hunting, I found that it is cheese spread. I was going to have to leave if people were that excited about mayonnaise. (I couldn't find this one! I will keep looking!)

3) This one takes the cake. I had the product name from the commercials Rani Citrus. 3 guys are drinking said product when all of a sudden, THOUSANDS of men in hot dog costumes chase them all over the Mall of the Emirates. Finally, they are surrounded by all these hot dogs and they jump off the balcony! WHAT!

Watch video here Under "What's on TV" (the upper left-hand thumbnail)

I had to ask someone who spoke Arabic. I explained this at work and at the end I told them they show Rani Citrus drink. They are all like, "Well, that is what the commercial is for." (Yeah, I got that part) And the hot dogs? Apparently, Rani Citrus has pulp in it and has been running a campaign called "Get Chunked." They were human-sized piece of pulp chasing people around the mall. Still, I am not sure why. Do these guys not want to get chunked? If not, why would they even drink Rani? Or they wanted to get chunked and it is fun to run from the pulp? I am still out on this one due to it's complete randomness!

Hand Ball

So I am not a "sports" person but I have discovered the best way to watch these events is in Arabic. Al Jazeera has an ESPN knockoff that plays their favorite sports, which seems to be cricket, rugby, football, and what I saw tonight. I had to Google it since I had never seen anything like it. Team Handball! It is an Olympic Sport! I feel like I haven't been paying attention for years. It is hilarious to watch. It is like reverse soccer and you can only use your hands.

The American sports that have made it over include: NASCAR and WWE Wrestling. I have never laughed so hard in my entire life when I heard the good old boys announcing the race while the tickers streamed the opposite way in Arabic across the screen. I can't imagine why people over here think we violent people obsessed with cars! Whatever. At least we don't go all out for the Super Team Handball Bowl!

Movie Edits

OK, I do understand that I have moved to a Muslim country but there is a problem with the movies. They are edited, which normally would be fine. I am used to TV edits for the US. I understand that we use the excuse that we, as a country need to take responsibility to act as parents for people who cannot seem to do it for themselves. (That may actually be a separate post) However, the movie edits here make no sense. Swearing is completely OK. No morally questionable scenes of affection.

Now, I am sure that the O.C. fans can figure out the problem with Luke's father without seeing him kiss another man. But, while watching American Beauty, the guy-kiss is A MAJOR part of the story line. The movie makes no sense. There is a hug and then the Marine shoots Kevin Spacey (which is also fine to show at 10am). I tell myself that it must be that the movies are edited by people who cannot speak English and have no idea what they are saying just cut our scenes by sight alone. Just don't play the movie at all if you are going to ruin it by removing key violence and morally compromising scenes!!

Church Argument

So, I have been on my best behavior for a month now. I was fine until one of my office mates announced the Google Earth had deeply offended him. Let's get some things straight:

1) I think there is a person like this in every office. They have lots of theories about the world; even more opinions about your life; are super nosy; and usually do very little work.

2) I understand that most people I work with have learned English as a second language. I would not want someone to judge me based on my Arabic so I do question comments that seem extreme.

KOA: "Google Earth has deeply offended you? How?"
OM: "Yes. I am looking at the picture of this city and there is a mosque."
(*Now I am completely confused as he is a practicing Muslim*)
KOA: "Why is that offensive?"
OM: "Because they have labeled it 'Church!'"
KOA: " Oh, I see. Well, there is no need to be offended. In America, it is common to call any place of worship a 'Church.' It's OK."
OM: "No it's only for Christians."
KOA: "Well, OM, I have to answer to 'Na-ah'"
OM: "It does not mean that."
(And so was the day that I introduced the office to Merriam-Webster online, which states: a building for public and especially Christian worship. 'Especially' not 'only' makes me the winner!!)

**Disclaimer**

So, I started to write a rant about movie editing here in Dubai (to be finished eventually once I calm down) and realized that I sent this blog to people with kids who will use it to follow their Auntie Kate's adventures. I, of course, am not always G-Rated so I have decided to make this easier by marking all the entries that are "super kid friendly" with an asterisk. I assume that most under aged viewers will be checking out pictures but this is the official disclaimer!

I feel strongly that any random rants that I have should be posted for all but some things will never be appropriate (or interesting, for that matter) to someone under the age of 10. Posts not marked may still be fine but I am not taking responsibility for those!

**More of the New Pad**

The bedrooms are typical hotel standard issue. No complaints there. I did get a universal power strip for my room to use all my fun US electronics. This thing is great- it takes any type of plug but is horrible ugly as far as power strips go. Aesthetics loose out this time to function!

The common living area is pretty nice here as well. Living and dining rooms are connected. Entry way, laundry room, and 3 bedrooms, in addition to the kitchen are my new digs! An apartment with room and maid service, plus the grocery store delivers! I could get used to this- despite the heat outside!!

The outside however, is where the sweet part comes in. The resort is divided into the hotel and the suites, so we have separate pool and gym facilities. Our room overlooks the hotel pool and restaurants! Here is one of the four patios we have one the apartment (plus view)!